Two in One Day!

My son started hockey today.

Nothing particularly remarkable about that, right? You're right.

For us, it was remarkable only because his 4 and a half years with us have been very, very long. He's our fourth child, the one who made liars out of all those who told me, "You'll see! The 4th just follows along. He'll be super easygoing. I promise."  LIARS.

His babyhood is a blur to me (my other kids were 6. 4 and 2 when he was born, so we were just starting to get 'busy' with homework, activities, sports, SCHEDULES) and he has been such a hellion that I am ashamed to admit I've wished away a fair amount of his toddlerhood.

Everything in our lives is marked 'before Ryan' and 'since Ryan'. 

Before Ryan, I had a handle on everything. I kept up with laundry, my house was relatively organized, I cooked all my meals at naptime.  We hosted lots of fun, adult parties because grandparents were only too happy to have the other 3 for sleepovers.

Since Ryan was born we feel as though we rarely come up for air. Everything is overwhelming, from the groceries to the laundry to the sense of anarchy he brings to the other three, who are, on their own, generally very well-behaved (if energetic) kids. Entertaining? Forget it. I can't cook AND clean on the same day when he's in the house. 

Ryan starting hockey for me marks a turning point of sorts. There have been a lot of positive changes in my boy during the past little while. He's recently switched daycares to a place that's a bit more preschool-ish in its approach, and he's really bought into it. He plays like a big kid- actually, he always has, only when you are almost 5, it's cool. When you are 2, it's just a bit weird. It's almost as though he has ''grown into' his humongous personality. This is a kid who walks into a room full of people and says things like, "Let's get this party started!"  Watching him start organized sports this year is another way we will mark the passage of time as we look back on his childhood- and I am blown away.

Blown away, as always, by how fast my kids are growing up, but blown away also by the fact that I am sad about how often I hoped time could move a little bit more quickly. When you are up to your eyeballs in chaos, sleep deprivation and what feels like terrorist activity in your own home, it's hard to treasure wee moments...but already I feel regret.

When you're trying to teach your children not to do things they'll regret, it smacks you right in the face when you've gone and done it yourself.